"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
