It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
