you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
