i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
