words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
