I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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