You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
