I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
