he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
