So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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