My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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