But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize