OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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