he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
