I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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