I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
