Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
