piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
