Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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