So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
