I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
