for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
