today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
