i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
