They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
