i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i believe in u and ur pee
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
