Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
