brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
