I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
