Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
