We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So vagazzling was a success
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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