thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
