U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
