first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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