And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
