we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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