if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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