my phone needs a breathalizer
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
