are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
