oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
