It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm like, not good at living.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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