i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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