Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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