all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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