Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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