I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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