I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize