I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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