i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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