We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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