And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
