i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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