i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
