Umm I'm too high to move.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
