you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
