Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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