Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
