If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
