I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
