i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
