Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize