Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
