i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
