I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
