i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Boobs are out for the taking
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
