Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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