Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
