you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
