covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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