How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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