Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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