you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
