Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
