Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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