So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
