Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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