Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think your dad took our porno
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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