i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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