I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
